SWANS DON'T SING - Brittlestar’s Weekly Newsletter - Issue #51
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SWANS DON'T SING
I spent 5 hours in the vocal booth that day.
I sang and re-sang lines based on instruction from the producer in the control room. ‘More feeling’, ‘a little pitchy’, ‘that wasn’t the one’.
I drove home that night and cried. Was I good enough? My entire self worth was wrapped up in that recording. The recording that would define me for the ages. Most likely my swan song.
I was 18.
It wasn’t my swan song. It was barely a swan fart.
There’s this notion that when creating or making something… it will define you. It can make you second guess every decision. It can even make you ask some pretty lofty questions like, “Is this how I want to be remembered?”
While it’s probably good to take pause and reflect on what it is you’re putting into the world… dial it back a bit, eh?
Sure, you’ll have (if you’re lucky) something that you’ve made that people/family/friends will note you for - you will become symbolized by that thing - but you don’t get to pick that thing. That’s up to other people.
You can’t pick your hits, is my constant inside-my-head-voice refrain.
The important part is to keep going. Keep creating. Keep making things.
The things you make will take on meaning for others and (again, if you’re lucky) will be used by those people as life preservers in life’s sea of turgid chaos. Doesn’t matter what it is that you make… music, writing, knitting, furniture, clothes, and so on and so on.
The term ‘Swan Song’ is derived from the story that Mute Swans are silent their whole lives and then right before they die they sing this beautiful song.
One last opus that brings meaning to their lives.
Turns out they don’t. In fact, they’re not even mute. They won’t shut up. Their whole lives… constantly making noise. One goose-esque honk and then on to a new hiss or whatever they fancy.
Whatever thing you’re working on right now might define you to others… or it might not… maybe the next thing. You don’t get to decide that.
Keep going.
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Pictured: Author (18yrs old) recording defining work that will not end up defining him