THE PRINCE AND THE PEE - Brittlestar’s Weekly Newsletter - Issue #9
Hey! Winter (in this part of the word) is over! Sure we have a month and a bit left of gravel and mud but at least we don’t have to shovel it.
THE PRINCE AND THE PEE
Our house is about a 30 minute walk from downtown.
It’s a lovely walk actually.
Well, the first 15 minutes of the walk downtown are meh, but then it really gets cooking when you reach the river and the trees. I really enjoy it.
The walk home sucks ass.
Here’s why…
I have learned, much like a child, that every journey is better if you go to the bathroom before leaving. This is a good habit to adopt. It allows you to enjoy the trip.
However, after a year of largely staying home my ability to NOT pee for more than 20 minutes has been severely compromised. It’s not that I DESPERATELY need to go… it’s just that, the option to go has been so readily open when every waking moment of the past 12 months has been spent within 20 feet of an inviting vessel of relief. I’ve become overly sensitive to the… urge to pee.
I’m like the Princess and the Pea.
I’m the Prince and the Pee.
That means that, despite any attempts to forward plan with a bathroom break before leaving downtown are made futile when I reach the Pee Line. That’s the point where there’s only 10-15 minutes left in the walk and the inner pressure begins to consume me.
I can no longer enjoy the sights. God forbid I meet someone I know. There will be no stopping to talk. That’s for damn sure.
So I focus on just getting home. Home free. Home Sweet Home. Home, Home on the… oh dear god. Let’s walk faster.
I have not NOT made it yet. It’s been terrifying close but I’ve always made it so far.
That’s where I am with the pandemic. Those last 10 minutes of agony. I just want this to be over…
And it will be soon. We’ll get home and we’ll have the bestest pee party ever.
Okay… I may have taken the analogy too far but you get what I mean.
Let’s squeeze tight. Focus on ANYTHING else and keep moving.
We can do it. Spring is here. Here comes the sun.
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This should be the cover of my album "Canadian Sasquatch in London"