YOU FIRST - Brittlestar’s Weekly Newsletter - Issue #20
I was too tired to write this last night. It’s early. Go easy on me.
YOU FIRST
He told me to come down to the dock with him for a quick chat.
I liked him. Respected him. He was a nice guy and we had shared many a laugh together. So I happily went along.
What I didn’t know at the time was that if your fiancée’s father wants to have a private chat with you shortly after your engagement, it’s probably fairly serious.
He told me plainly… if I wanted to actually stay with his daughter, I better not hold her back.
This is good fatherly advice. I nodded.
He continued… if I wanted to stay with his daughter, I better not get in the way of her career.
Of course.
He finished with… if I wanted to stay with his daughter, her plans/career would have to be put first. Always.
Ummm…
I was 19 at the time and had just started my own nominally successful radio jingle production company (stop laughing). I didn’t love it but it was a way to prove to my parents, my fiancée and my fiancée’s parents that I could actually make a living doing what I wanted to do.
I agreed. Sure. I’ll put her first. Not just in a loving happiness way but in a career way.
It had been made clear to me that what she was doing and where she was going far outweighed my own plans. I would merely be a supportive partner and if there was time, I could poke away at whatever it is that I laughably thought was worth doing.
If you know me now and where I am… you know it did not work out.
How could it?
Relationships, of all sorts, require that you support each other. Sometimes that support is stronger or more focused from one side, but it must balance out in the opposite direction at some point.
Two playing cards leaning on each other can stand on end. If one card stops supporting the other in an effort to stand taller, they both fall.
Relationships, and this is a very unromantic take, are transactional.
We offer each something. If one side only takes, it’s no longer a healthy relationship.
That applies in love, work and friends.
Think about this when offering your support to someone.
What support are they offering in return?
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I wrote all my jingles on this piano (not really)
Thanks for reading.
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