YOUR DAD IS PROUD OF YOU - Brittlestar’s Weekly Newsletter - Issue #22
I remember when I used to be able to sleep in… and by “sleep in” I mean 8AM.
YOUR DAD IS PROUD OF YOU
There are no manuals for being a Dad.
Okay, there are actually, lots even, but I mean… When I became a Dad, we had Bill Cosby’s Fatherhood book. I don’t know why we had it and I haven’t read it and, to be honest, not reading it now seems like a smart idea.
I’ve been a lottery/smoke shop kiosk clerk, record store clerk, carpet installer, restaurant busboy, toy store manager, radio jingle writer, social media buffoon and much more… but Dad has been the hardest job, in the weirdest way.
Dads, in their two-dimensional character outline sense, are supposed to lead, guide, discipline and support.
Good Dads are supposed to also listen, understand, and be emotional. Vulnerable really.
Us Dads try to do all of those things, but thanks to some lingering outdated, nonsensical gender stereotypes, changing gears can be hard.
A bit like being good cop and bad cop at the same time. Or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Dad.
Us Dads are expected to be rugged but gentle, stern but compromising, rock solid but excellent huggers.
It’s hard.
Now… yes, I know being a Mom ain’t a walk in the park either. Both groups are allowed to suffer simultaneously. Neither group has an exclusive deal with urgghhh.
My Dad moved to a new country when he was in his early 20s. Being in your early 20s is hard enough. Being in your early 20s in a new country as a young man is even harder. You need to be hard and if you aren’t you need to pretend like you are. If not, you run the risk of being taken advantage of… at work, at the store, at the local pub, etc..
Your back is up constantly.
Being a guy has TONS of perks, but it should also be noted that there have been studies that say men’s skulls have evolved to better take a punch. It’s true (CBC).
Does it follow that a lot of men are largely idiots and punch each other a lot? Yes.
Does that knowledge provide any solace to the men who DON’T want to be punched a lot? No.
About a year after my Dad and Mom moved to Canada, I came along. Now my Dad was a young man in his early 20s in a new country trying to be just hard enough to get by and he was now, also, a Dad.
Dad to a chubby faced baby boy that looked like it’d probably sizzle into oblivion if left in the sun for more than a minute.
It couldn’t have been easy.
Thankfully, he did it. He protected me and made me feel like he loved me too.
We haven’t always seen eye to eye but we are always happy to see each other now.
I’ve tried to follow his lead.
Being a Good Dad is way more difficult than it looks. It’s a balancing act. It requires changing gears suddenly between hard as nails and soft as a pillow.
We don’t always get it right. I know I try to get it right with my own sons.
But if we’re stuck in one gear, know this… it ain’t you.
Your Dad loves you.
Your Dad is proud of you.
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Scottish immigrant and hand-puppet puppy wait for pale baby to combust.